Dreaming Is For The Empowered

Jun 28
4 min read

Dream paralysis is totally a thing.

And I'm not talking about the literal sleeping kind, where you're half asleep/half awake and can't move - although, that's basically where I'm going with this. It's the figurative kind of paralysis that keeps you stuck in the same spot, frozen in place, for an extended period of time. Sometimes years. Long years.

I deeply relate to this concept. Growing up, I always had the tendency to fall back and wait for things to move and transform before my eyes, or for someone/something to give me inspiration to continue forward; sometimes even permission to continue forward. There were so many times I held myself back - out of fear of failing, being rejected, not being good enough, not receiving the external support I needed at the time. And these choices of paralyzing inaction have harbored some of my biggest regrets that still linger in the shadows and haunt me to this day. My biggest regret: quitting soccer.

Or more-so, denying myself the opportunity to continue playing past high school. All throughout my teens I struggled so hard to find my identity and voice, that sometimes I felt like I was unintentionally punished for it by the adults around me, specifically from coaches. Because I didn't have a loud, dominant personality, I felt written off in a lot of ways, which I internalized as not being liked or good enough. Which then led me to shrink inward, and led to me not performing as highly as I was capable of and fell into the background. It's actually kind of astounding what an environment, or how one single person views you, can change the entire experience you're having in any given situation.

Although I was talented, and had a lot of outside acknowledgements that backed that up, I was the only senior on the team who wasn't encouraged to continue playing. And instead of fighting the shame and self-doubt that came from that, I let that lack of support determine my future. Which in the end, only hurt me and changed the course of my life. That's my regret.

This specific instance elicited the type of paralysis I'm talking about where I didn't feel I could trust my own judgement or my own self-perception. I became stuck, stagnant, frozen, whatever you want to call it - wide-eyed and at the mercy of outside opinions and validation. I changed so drastically that to this day, as a 30 year-old woman, I'm still trying to dissolve this internal self-doubt. To unlearn this narrative that I'm not good enough.

I'm sure someone can relate to this on some level - a moment that changed how you viewed yourself, and in a way, altered the direction of your life. What I want to say to that person is this: letting what anyone thinks about you, and letting it change who you are and what you do in life, only hurts you. Me quitting soccer, something I never pictured myself doing or wanted to do, didn't impact a single person in the world except myself. And I have to live with the fact that although I didn't receive what I needed from my coach and teammates at the time to confidently continue playing, ultimately, no one made the decision to quit but me.

Lesson learned: you have a say in how you live your life.

Put yourself out there. Dream, and dream big. Allow yourself to want something, however small, and go for it. No one else in the world - not their beliefs about you, not their perception of your potential, not even their feelings toward you - matters but you. And you are someone to celebrate, because this is your life and you deserve to joyously, unapologetically do what makes you happy. To follow your heart and see where it takes you, good or bad. I believe whatever happens will guide you further down the path you're supposed to go, leading you to exactly where you're supposed to be. That's a beautiful thing to think about.

So, guess what? Last fall, despite the avalanche of self-doubt/fear/anxiety, I joined an adult soccer league. And I'm smiling as I type this because this was my very first action in years that aligned with what I wanted to do, and did it. Even as I've been humbled greatly by the 10+ years that have passed since I've played (big yikes), I hold my head high because I'm doing it. I'm practicing what I preach and it feels good.

This even created a domino effect I couldn't have anticipated - I've made connections that have opened doors to continuing playing, and even made some friends. In the course of taking this leap, the confidence in making that decision for my life led me to pursue an alternate career path by signing up for an online class, as I had been feeling that same paralyzing, stagnant energy for months. 3 months later, I got promoted to director of my department and have been loving this change of pace. So, it was almost as if putting myself out there and taking some control back, realigned the universe and put new beginnings into motion that may have never happened. Inaction kept me still - action empowered me and moved me forward.

Life is about planting seeds - dreaming, taking action, learning - and letting them grow. Give life the chance to give back to you. To pour back into your soul and guide you toward what can be next for you. Let it breathe some life back into your lungs, the lungs that have been holding breath in for far too long. Be.

This is what I tell myself now: do not let the dream paralysis, or any events that caused it, win. Break the cycle and move. Take one single step forward. Live, and live for you. Because as the years pass and we grow old, how we view ourselves and our lives is the only thing that matters. I matter, you matter.

Let's believe that and live like it.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for being here. Come back each week for new posts, and if you have any suggestions, questions, or comments, please leave them down below - I’d love to hear from you!