Comparison

Dear Reader,

I don't know where this blog finds you - the happiest time in your life, lost in the most uncertainty, the best version of yourself, afflicted by life's constant blows. There are so many walks of life we're all traveling down right now, and I've been thinking a lot about that lately.

Earlier this week, my coworker was unraveling the inner workings of her life, her past, her darkest days and her greatest triumphs. I sat there and listened for an hour, captivated by her story. Her unwillingness to give up or succumb to the heartbreak that some of the events in her life caused. Her resilience, something I resonate with on a deep level. Her sunshine, despite the trials and trauma. It's easy to break from all of the bending. She hasn't allowed herself to snap.

In these moments, listening to understand and hold space, it's easy to compare.

Woah, I've never experienced trauma like that, and Wow, it's amazing you've found your way here after all this time.

Sitting here in this local Grand Rapids coffee shop, my folklore/evermore/The Anthology playlist on repeat, has me reflecting on how I've gotten here. How, in comparison to her life, mine has not been that bad. And I'm positive a lot of people who have been through just as many trials and tribulations could feel the exact same way. It's hard not to look inward and judge yourself on how strong you actually are; how insignificant your life should actually be compared to others. Being in and out of the mental health field - both as a patient and a provider - I've lived in that headspace for far longer than I'd like to admit. But something inside of me is changing. My inner dialogue has shifted.

To disregard and diminish our experiences - what a dismissive way to minimize our lives. What a sad way to dilute all of the wisdom and knowledge we've gained through our life lessons. It disheartens me to think that someone making themselves small because they believe they should be small is all they know, like me. It can't be this way. We can't hinder our ability to exist, simply because another person with bigger "stuff" does.

To live and let live - I'm learning that the important part that makes this mantra work is the live part. To let live, we have to live. Unabashedly, proudly, honestly. We have to show up and join in, even if it feels we may not belong; if our past experiences aren't "that bad" or don't measure up. Our story will never look like someone else's - and I think that's the point.

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We each bring a unique perspective to each situation, relationship and interaction we encounter every day. Our differences help us learn and broaden our scope of understanding. They teach us empathy and educate us on a reality we may know nothing about. They bring connection, because as it may not be exactly the same, nodding your head and saying, "I understand and I see you," is a powerful thing. It's a relief to think that shame doesn't have to be a passenger in each conversation I have.

So no matter where you are right now, even if you're sitting in a coffee shop content with your life, know that your life matters. You don't need a "big" thing to be relevant. Your experience is a valuable string in the web that makes up the universe we're living in right now. Every interaction I've had, every relatiosnhip that's come and gone, every decision I've made - good and bad - has brought me to this moment. No one else's thoughts or feelings or story has - just mine.

Taking ownership of my life has been an empowering thing, and has even made me more confident. Yes, I had a very privileged life growing up. Yes, I had to go inpatient and recover from an eating disorder. Yes, I've had really great, wholesome friendships in my life that I'll treasure forever. Yes, I experienced my own trauma in the healthcare field during Covid. Yes, I've spent years battling illness and fighting for answers. Yes, I found a career direction that I'm excited about. Yes, I've fallen back in love with creativity, and believe I can make something real out of it. Yes, yes, yes. All of it means something, big or small, simply because it's me - I mean something. And so do you.

When I find that comparison mindset creep into my interactions, I'm trying to redirect that feeling to curiosity. How can I learn something from this person and their life? What lessons can I take with me from their experience? How can I validate them without invalidating myself?

Your story is significant. Your trauma is real. Your success is deserved. Your happiness is monumental. Where you are now is a testament to everything that came before. You're supposed to be here - and I'm so happy you are.

Warmly,

Sarah